We met in school
Joined by a certain
Spiritual telepathy
An instantaneous connection
After a while nothing made sense
If not directly related
To her, she was my
Quintessential without her
I was just a haunted
Suit of armor, I owed
Her everything and that’s
Exactly what she took from me
=
I grew around her until
We became indistinguishable
She borrowed my voice
Used it to incarcerate
And incriminate me
She was acquired, embedded
As any habit, without her
There was no me, at least
Not me in the fundamental sense
I didn’t lose my identity in her though
I created myself in accordance
With her stated ideals
=
I sold my soul to her
She used it to keep warm
In the winter, in the summer
She put it in a box in the attic
And sealed it shut with duck tape
I was a cure for loneliness
A mannequin in a store window
She could dress me up in any role
(Sometimes I was even her boyfriend)
But ultimately I wasn’t human
Just a lifelike construct
Conveniently disposable
=
She really knew how to punish me
It was simple really just disconnect
The life support, my umbilical cord
Let me to starve and whither
My suffering became entertainment
For her and her other friends
They pointed me out to
Each other in the hallway
Spoke in mock whispers
And laughed, I’m ashamed
To say it was years before
I understood that I was the joke
=
I know pain, it is a sick bird
Convulsing by the water bowl,
Unable to regulate its writhing neck
So it can take a drink; the real tragedy
Is not that it can’t it’s that even if it
Could it would drown shortly after
Pain being a struggle in futility
Survival instincts, quicksand
And death unavoidable
=
Had she ever returned my love
I would’ve choked to
Death it was too soon
For me, my childhood
Had acclimated me well
To starvation, nourishment
Came to be poison, an
All systems shut down scenario
I was alive because of her negligence
=
We didn’t last, not forever as I hoped
I left one morning, destroyed
She’d been gone a long time by then
We were only pa*sing each other
At that point.She never really forgave
Me for being the one to end it, it
Had always been her intention to keep
The upper hand, to remain superior
=
Her absence was deafening
I was comforted by her
Habitual stories and her
Worn to the bone jokes
She moved on easily
Having established a life
Outside of me, I had no such
Life and a shocking lack of desire
To acquire one, I made a decision
To die rather than rebuild and I did for
A split second, the heart pills
Stole a beat but only one
Now whenever I close my eyes
Too long, I fall into a semi coma
Returning to the moment
Of death and I know she’s
Still inside of me
Cutting off the circulation
=
(This is about my best friend in hs its long because it lasted for years and consumed my wh*le life in that period, so you have to think of it as 5 years worth of life.Still I apologize for it being ma*sive.I tried to kill myself with heart meds and when I sleep my heart rate drops as low as like 7 beats and my blood pressure plummets.When I am in the hospital if I shut my eyes they always storm in with crash carts.I thought I’d mention that b/c otherwise I doubt the end makes sense.I do know I was pathetic and suffocating this is not something I am proud of but it is the truth.)
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